I hate doing shading if it comes with color. Today I've tried to draw new avatar picture and at the point of making shadows smooth everything gone looking like a mess.

I have done shading with color and it has been great (first pic) but for some unknown reason today (pic 2) my goal have still unreached and every try to redraw shading made me want to shash my head with my tablet - all outcomes doesn't have unite mood, looks dirty rather than pale and shadows themselves doesn't match with my inner "yeah, looks cool" metric

It's just a small comic, not an animation, but it's done! A short form of a rant about my intrusive thoughts that still rot inside of my skullbox! God, I wish I could throw those away and get free of odd demand that sometimes make my emotaional state much less stable than it should be. People around me has real problems with material consequences, their lives tought and here I am, with this shit. My body is so capricious that I've started feeling hunger for sweet taste even if I've eaten something already or I'm full. That fucking need for tasting something bright is not only killing me but killing my wallet so I need to work more and feel this fantom hunger more often. I hate myself

Man, I got an idea for animation at very commont time when there's no time for anything serious like animationg. It would be so shameful if I scap it because I'm lazy like every other idea before so I have posted here this message with changes nothing but in the future I will blame myself little more :)

Fuck relationships. Especially romantic relationships. I can’t fucking understand why recently my brain felt like I’m in need of women touch. And it’s cringy as it is. That bitch creates thoughts about situations where I’m being hugged by randoms or acquaintances and how it awesome to stay close to someone and feel it’s arms on your shoulders, hugging your neck and pushing your body closer so you can contact with bigger square of body and share warmth of each other and FUCK IT! This bullshit starts to break me from inside, rasping my mind with desire of feeling someone having tactile contact with me. And worst thing that I have no weapon for this inner monster: I have no idea how to stop those thoughts and I have no effect of having hand shakings and friendly hugs with my friends. BUT WHEN RANDOM GIRL IN MY UNIVERSITY PLAY WITH MY HAIR FOR A JOKE I’M BURNING INSIDE. WHAT THE FUCK? It seems that I’m being weak for female attention. And I’s fucking awful. I don’t wanna be that guy who’s easy to be lured for any shit by single fact of asker having pussy between thighs and cute smile on the face. Of course someone can say: “Find a girlfriend, faggot” and I can say he can’t. I literally posting here results of my reflexions because no one care and I can free my mind at least a bit without any consequences. I’m a fucking student of a fucking university and not any. I’m going to be fucking engineer so I know how to observe problems before solving them and calculating risks so I’ve decided that I have no resources to shit like dating, e-dating etc. Keeping that in mind I’m sitting here, torturing my keyboard and staying with no conclusion of what to do. My mind is being lost for the stupid idea of having someone to fall in hug and cuddle with. My situation in life telling me I have no solution for this situation. I’m mad. I’m helpless. I’m hungry for cuddles.