Fuck relationships. Especially romantic relationships. I can’t fucking understand why recently my brain felt like I’m in need of women touch. And it’s cringy as it is. That bitch creates thoughts about situations where I’m being hugged by randoms or acquaintances and how it awesome to stay close to someone and feel it’s arms on your shoulders, hugging your neck and pushing your body closer so you can contact with bigger square of body and share warmth of each other and FUCK IT! This bullshit starts to break me from inside, rasping my mind with desire of feeling someone having tactile contact with me. And worst thing that I have no weapon for this inner monster: I have no idea how to stop those thoughts and I have no effect of having hand shakings and friendly hugs with my friends. BUT WHEN RANDOM GIRL IN MY UNIVERSITY PLAY WITH MY HAIR FOR A JOKE I’M BURNING INSIDE. WHAT THE FUCK? It seems that I’m being weak for female attention. And I’s fucking awful. I don’t wanna be that guy who’s easy to be lured for any shit by single fact of asker having pussy between thighs and cute smile on the face. Of course someone can say: “Find a girlfriend, faggot” and I can say he can’t. I literally posting here results of my reflexions because no one care and I can free my mind at least a bit without any consequences. I’m a fucking student of a fucking university and not any. I’m going to be fucking engineer so I know how to observe problems before solving them and calculating risks so I’ve decided that I have no resources to shit like dating, e-dating etc. Keeping that in mind I’m sitting here, torturing my keyboard and staying with no conclusion of what to do. My mind is being lost for the stupid idea of having someone to fall in hug and cuddle with. My situation in life telling me I have no solution for this situation. I’m mad. I’m helpless. I’m hungry for cuddles.